It continues...

Well after talking via text messages for a couple of days, he asked if he could stop by my house to see me. I agreed and he came over. We sat in the living room watching tv. He kissed me that day. He was over about an hour and a half before he had to leave to help out a friend of his.

We went out for dinner and a movie. It was a great time and we did alot of talking. It's amazing just how easy he is to talk to. And amazing that I of all people can just sit there listening quietly while he talks. We all know what a talker I am. Lol.

Things continued on this way for awhile. We'd text. He'd come over and hang out. I came to care for him very much.

Then I got the email. Always an email. He explained that he wasn't ready for a relationship and the he just wanted to be friends. Of course I didn't allow him to see my real reaction and agreed that we could be friends.

Things continued pretty much along the same way it had been.

Then came the day that I got the text message that he had found someone. Someone he said he was in love with. He wanted to come over and talk to me in person and I allowed him too. He made me promise him that I would always be his friend because he wanted me in his life. What could I do but agree?

It didn't work out with the girl and he once more turned to me.

He has confessed that he cares very much for me. I care for him. However he won't make a move because he wonders what would happen if someone else came along for either of us.

Now we're in a limbo. I feel the conversation coming. I don't like this limbo. I need to come to a definition. Friends or something more. No more of this stuck in between.

The beginning of exploration.

I'll never forget the night when I first saw him though I cannot remember the exact date.

Karla and I had decided to go around the corner to Winn Dixie to pick up a few groceries that we were needing. We took Devon and Kara with us. We always have fun in the grocery store. I'm not sure why but it seems to be the place we always do our most talking. After we were through and had the van loaded we were slapped with a huge problem. The van wouldn't start. I did what I always do when there's car trouble. I pulled out my cell phone and called my stepdad, Kenny.

He showed up not much later with my mother and little sister. As we were all standing there talking a man walked out of the store and Mom and Brittany went all giggly and stupid. Apparently it was a man they knew from church and had decided would be a good match for me even though all the knew about him was his name. I couldn't really see him due to the fact that it was dark and the lights of the parking lot was spread rather far apart. After watching him walk across the entire parking lot he finally stepped under the lights and I got my first good look at him.

He was definitely my type physically. I like my guys tall and stocky looking. My mother and Brittany were all for me just walking up to him and introducing myself. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the forward type of girl. I like for the guy to chase after me so I of course refused. He got into his truck and drove away.

After that they never really mentioned him again though I did see him at church. I know he didn't notice me because I honestly did what I could to avoid him. Mom, being the insane person that she is, decided that I had to meet a "friend" who was sitting on his side of the church one day and when we got over there the "friend" was his mom. His mom who was the sister of the woman who ran the Santa party where Kenny and I went to be Santa and his elf. Whom I needed to send pictures to from back at Christmas time. I nearly died right there.

After church I knew he was looking at me. Staring more like it. On his way to his truck he kept looking back over his shoulder at me and then stood there staring at me some more before he got into the truck and drove away. I pretended not to notice and had to kick Brittany to keep her from saying anything. I told her that staring at me wasn't going to do anything and he should say something next time.

A couple of days later I went on break at work and decided to check my email. There was an email from Facebook saying that he had added me and sent me a message. The message in short was basically saying he thought I was "gorgeous" and I replied by sending him my phone number. By the end of my break we were already texting back and forth.

And that was the beginning.

People never fail to amuse me.

The pastor at my mom's church always preaches that you have to live the Christian lifestyle no matter what life is throwing at you. He always uses the phrase "You may be the only Bible someone reads today." That thought always seems to stick with me and pops to the front of my mind every single time I feel the urge to not act as a Christian should. Sometimes it simply is not easy to react to things the way you should. Now I say that to go into the topic of my entry today...

Every job that I have ever had (and I've been working since I was 13 years old) has forced me to deal with people. I've always been right on the front lines, the first to hear about problems, the first to come into to contact with the hostility, but also the first to hear the compliments of happy people. I've been in the food service industry, the alarm service industry, and now in my adult years I find myself in the retail industry.

When you work in retail you have no choice but to come into contact with many different kinds of people every day. You can't avoid them, you can't hide from them, and you definitely can't ignore them. And no matter what their differences happen to be you always have to treat them the same way: with a friendly smile and a positive manner.

These past few years working for the same company I have perfected what I like to call the "happy face". No matter what is going on around me a smile is plastered to my face and I speak calmly. I make sure that no matter what evil thought is racing through my mind or vengeful feelings running rampant through me never ever show. I am the polite and respectful Customer Service Coordinator. The one who always treats the customers the way that she would like to be treated. The one that would make Brother Larry proud that I persevere in times of temptation.

Because all of this happens to be on my mind I have decided to share all of the things that really work on my nerves the worst in the hopes that someone will see this and in the future they will realize how not to act when faced with similar situations.

Please do not believe that this is directed at anyone reading this blog. I am simply directing at my frustrations. Lol.

Returns: Always, ALWAYS, keep the tags, packaging, and receipt for any item that you purchase. You never know when or why you may have to return something to the store. As unbelieveable as it seems every store has what is called a Return Policy. And like it or not, the Associates are going to stick to that policy from fear of losing their job. Screaming, throwing things across the counter, threatening them with the lose of their job, threatening to call Corporate, cursing, jesturing wildly, etc. will not convince them to change that policy to suit your needs. You cannot return last season's fashions so that you can afford this season's. Because you decided to run in the rain in your new suede boots you cannot return them for a new pair. Because your man ripped off your new undies in a moment of passion you can't exchange them for a whole pair. No tags or receipt? Well then prove that you purchased the items in this store and when you purchased them and how you purchased them. How do you do that? With the tags and receipt of course! It amazes me the amount of customers who really believe that cursing me out after I have refused to take back something will really make me want to bend the rules in their favor. After dealing with your attitude it simply delights me to continue refusing you.

Lines: Yes I realize that your time is precious to you. I realize that you could very well have an important meeting or have to pick your kids up from school. I cannot control the number of people who made it to the line ahead of you. If I have other cashiers in the store then please believe me when I say I will call them as soon as possible. I am processing every transaction as quickly as I can without making errors. I cannot control how long it takes the computer to process a return or a credit card. I cannot control how many cartfuls of items that a person buys. I cannot dive into a lady's purse and find her money for her. Please, please be patient if the line is long. Trust me when I say that I want you through the line as badly as you want to get through the line. And if I announce that there is another cash register ringing in a different part of the store and you roll your eyes and say you don't want to walk that far then please do not tell me how much of a hurry you are in. If you were truly in a hurry you would have run for the other register.

Marking down Merchandise: Again this is a situation where strick policies are in place. When I tell you that I can not mark it down, then I can not mark it down. Please ask nicely to speak to a manager who may be able to mark it down for you. Cursing at me won't help you. And purposely damaging something will not get it for you cheaper.

Messes: If you drop something on the floor when you are at home, what are you going to do? You're going to bend over and pick it up of course. So why, why why do people always make a mess in a store and then say "They pay people to clean it up." WRONG! I am not paid to follow behind you and clean up. I am paid to do many other things. It is because you are a slob that I am forced to clean up behind you.

Toy Department: Contrary to popular belief the definition of Toy Department is not Free Daycare. Please do not simply drop your kids off with the encouragement to play while you do your shopping in peace. First of all do you not watch the news? Do you not see how many missing children there are in the world right now? Do you not know how many perverts are just waiting to see a child on their own? And secondly how would you like to be forced to pay for every toy your kid pulled off the shelf and opened while you weren't there supervising?

Listening: When I tell you something, asking me over and over different ways is not going to trick me into changing my answer. I never understand why people cannot seem to understand something the first few times you say it.

Remember that people working in retail are people too. Treat them positively and they will treat you the same. :D

A need, a feeling, and a desire.

I find myself in a state of calmness. My brain is not racing as is normal for me, it is simply meandering along.

I feel the need and the desire to write. To fill pages with words that bring about inspiration and thoughtfulness and yet here I am without words. Here I am sitting about aimlessly without any real thought in my head.

However here is a question for you... How do you know that you are falling in love?

Don't worry, be happy.

Today during Sunday school the teacher challenged us to read several different versions of the Easter story. This I did. And as shamed as I am to admit it I have never read the Bible in it's entirety so I have decided to make this my goal. Today I began with the New Testament and read through the entire book of Matthew. I was extremely pleased to find several instances that back up one of my philosophies of life.

I believe firmly that you should not worry about the things in your life that you cannot change and only focus on changing the things that you can. This is something that tends to drive my roommate crazy when she's stressing out about paying a bill or buying groceries. I always tell her that God provides if we just hand our problem to Him. We have never once gone without because I have always given the problem to God and He provided.

After reading through Matthew I finally have solid proof for my argument.

Matthew 6:25-34:

"(25)Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? (26)Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (27)Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? (28)So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; (29)and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. (30)Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He much more clothe you, O you of little faith? (31)Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' (32)For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. (33)But seek first the kingdom of God and His rightousness, fand all these things hsall be added to you. (34)Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 7:7-11:

"(7)Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. (8)For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. (9)Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for break, will give him a stone? (10)Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? (11)If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"

Matthew 11:28-30:

"(28)Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (29)Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (30)For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

A day that ends in ice.

When I woke up this morning my very first thought was related to the extreme comfort I was in. I had curled up in just the right spot of the bed. The pillows were arranged and snuggled around my head with just the right amount of softness and support. The comforter was tucked around me and I had burrowed into it like a turtle pulling it's head into it's shell. The fan was making comforting background noise as well as giving the room that slight chill that allowed me to remain under the comforter in comfort without becoming too hot. I didn't want to move. I wanted to remain right where I was for as long as possible but I knew by the light streaming in through the blinds that it was time for me to crawl from my cocoon and face the day.

At this point I stretched like a cat, rolled over and proceeded to have a heart attack. My eyes had fallen onto my clock which was reading 11am. 11am?! Half of my day was over and I had completely missed it! I can't even remember the last time that I had slept later than 9am. I immediately dove out of the bed and left my room to discover that my house was completely dark and quiet. I couldn't believe that everyone else had slept so late as well! After a bit of investigation I learned that only Kara was still sleeping in her room, everyone else had left.

I took advantage of the situation to have a long, luxurious shower without someone pounding on the door or the hot water running out. Then I spent time doing my hair and make up and getting dressed.

Karla returned home and shortly afterwards Pete (Karla's ex and Devon's dad who is here visiting for the weekend) and Devon came home from the park. We left them to shower and went to pick up Becky and James (Becky's live in boyfriend) and go to WalMart so that I could get myself a new SD card for my camera.

Karla, Pete, Kara, Devon, Neriah, BJ, Becky, James and I then went to see Disney on Ice. It was pretty amazing. If you have children I highly recommend that you take them to see it. They will greatly enjoy it but be ready to shell out quite a bit of money because everything they have there is completely overpriced. The skating and costumes were simply dazzling. My camera seemed to break halfway through but I did manage to get some good shots of the kids and some video of the skating that I shall post later.

Now it's dinner and off to bed to read some.

Yet more explanations...

I logged in tonight with every intention of blogging about my day. Then I realized that no one (not even Christopher probably) would know who I was talking about when I mentioned names. This is yet another of the hassles about beginning a new blog. I'll be happy when they are all out of the way and I am able to blog without worrying about misunderstandings.

So I shall begin the introductions to the people in my life. From now on you shall be able to refer to this list whenever anything becomes confusing. :P

My parents are Hubert and Anne. I shall always refer to them in some form of Mom and Dad. Mom is married to Kenny. Dad is married to Natalie.

My sisters are (in order) Heather, Rebecca, Brittany, Abby, and Amber. Abby is actually my stepsister however I refer to her as simply my sister. Amber is my halfsister from Natalie but again she is simply my sister.

My neices and nephew (all from Heather) are (and again in order) BJ, Neriah, and Brynna.

My roommate's name is Karla. Her children are Kara and Devon.

My best friends are Christopher and Tanya.

All other names will be explained when they are mentioned.

Was that boring or what?

Who am I?

Standard protocol for beginning a new blog always seems to call for an answer to the question, Who am I? For this simple reason I hate beginning a new blog. How do you answer that question? How do you know when your answer is too simple, leaving readers with no insight to the real you or when there's so much detail that you leave people feeling overwhelmed? And what if you don't feel that you truly know yourself?

For me the simple answer to that question is: I am Melissa.

A more detailed answer would be: I am Melissa, the woman who is truly a child at heart, the woman who experiences great joy in small things, the woman who is random and occassionally very loud, the woman who adores pink and buys all things Breast Cancer Awareness related. I am the enigma wrapped up in a mystery and topped with a riddle whose answer is quite simple if you take the time to figure it out. I am the daughter of divorced and remarried (to different people) parents. I am the computer nerd who loves to write. I am the Customer Service Coordinator who both hates and loves her job. I am the friend who can both starve you for affection and drown you in it. I am the one who's honest to the point of brutality and refuses to pull any punches or sugarcoat anything.

I am me and there is no one else that I would rather be.

You should always begin at the beginning.

This blog is now begun. This is my effort to show solid support for my friend, Christopher, who recently began his own blog here. I do have another blog on Xanga though it is rarely used anymore.

My life has become a roller coaster of new discoveries and I have decided to follow Christopher's example and begin to keep track. This is a concentrated effort to help myself to notice trends and see mistakes that I should correct. This is a time of self discovery in which I hope that I can come to better understand and know myself.